El noviazgo es una etapa muy rica e intensa donde la pareja se prepara para el matrimonio, en el que existen una serie de desafíos a los que se debe hacer frente, especialmente en un mundo erotizado, materialista y alejado de Dios.
Ante esta situación que se presenta como un reto para los católicos, ACI Prensa entrevistó a Emma Rodríguez y a Didier Masis, un matrimonio originario de Costa Rica que es autor del Blog de Emma y Didier donde escriben sobre temas como el amor verdadero y el noviazgo. Esta psicóloga de 28 años y este filósofo de 36 llevan tres años de matrimonio y también dan charlas en escuelas, universidades, iglesias y congresos.
Ellos dieron estas 11 claves para vivir un noviazgo santo en clave católica.
1.- Vivir en castidad
Emma indicó que en el noviazgo es importante vivir en castidad, absteniéndose de tener relaciones sexuales, porque esta virtud “te enseña a ordenar y a reflexionar si tus acciones están orientadas a amar verdaderamente o a usar a la otra persona”.
“La castidad no es cerrarse al amor humano sino abrirse al amor divino para que me ayude a orientar mis deseos”, comentó.
Por su parte, Didier indicó que ser casto y esperar al matrimonio para tener relaciones sexuales“es darle un sentido al mandamiento del amor: aprender a amar a Dios sobre todas las cosas. También implica saber cuánto me conozco, me amo y me valoro”.
Para fortalecer esta virtud, ambos aconsejaron ir con frecuencia a los sacramentos y vivirlos plenamente.
2.- Crecer juntos en la fe
Didier destacó que el noviazgo es una oportunidad para que la pareja crezca en la fe. Para lograrlo, ambos pueden hacer una lista de prácticas espirituales que pueden realizar juntos.
Algunas son orar en pareja, y si ambos viven lejos pueden llamarse por WhatsApp o Skype para realizar la Lectio Divina o rezar alguna otra oración.
“No se debe olvidar que la relación más importante es la que tienes con Dios. Hay que hablar con Él y escucharlo”, agregó Emma.
Emma comentó también que sería ideal que la pareja haga un retiro espiritual juntos por lo menos una vez al año.
Esto ayudará a “discernir sobre su camino porque el noviazgo no significa que ya te casaste. Es un discernimiento para saber si esa persona es aquella con la que se formará una familia”.
3.- Ponerse metas para crecer personalmente
Didier señaló que el noviazgo “tiene que ir creciendo, las personas tenemos que ir creciendo, un noviazgo que se estanca no madurará. El noviazgo debe tener metas y propósitos”.
Ambos recomendaron que la pareja se puede trazar objetivos para cumplir en una semana o al mes.
Algunos son leer libros espirituales, visitar un asilo de ancianos, ayudar a una causa de la parroquia, rezar juntos todos los días o ir a la Hora Santa y ofrecerla por todos los noviazgos y matrimonios, entre otros.
4.- Construir la confianza y una sólida amistad
En el noviazgo es muy importante construir la confianza y esta se basa en una buena amistad.
“Hemos notado que hoy en día las parejas se saltan etapas y no saben ser amigos. La amistad es la base de una buena relación. De ella se desprende la confianza y la transparencia. Las parejas se saltan todo eso y entran inmediatamente en una relación en la que emocionalmente están prácticamente casados uno con el otro”, señaló Emma.
Didier añadió que en una relación los celos “son el síntoma de las carencias que tengo y de experiencias que no he sanado”.
5.- No idealizar a la otra persona
Didier indicó que en el noviazgo se suele mostrar a la otra persona lo mejor de uno como si fuera “una imagen retocada con Photoshop”.
“Tenemos que dejar pasar la ilusión para mostrarnos como somos en realidad, para dar a conocer nuestros valores, para conversar seriamente con la otra persona sobre lo que es importante para su vida”, expresó.
“No hay que olvidar lo que Jesús nos dijo: ‘Ama a tu prójimo como a ti mismo’. Si uno se ama y se acepta no hay necesidad de vender falsas ilusiones”, dijo.
6.- No encerrarse
Emma y Didier indicaron que el noviazgo “no se trata de encerrar al otro y vivir pegado como un parásito. Se trata de compartir con otros y eso enriquece la relación”.
“Recomiendo que invites a la otra persona a tu mundo. Que conozca a tu familia, a tus amigos. Incluso habrá espacios donde saldrá solo uno de los dos. Por ejemplo, Didier y yo tenemos amigos en común. Él conoce a todas mis amigas y yo conozco a todos sus amigos”, comentó Emma.
Añadió que si cada uno decide salir con sus amigos “eso no quiere decir que me ame menos sino que él tiene necesidad de relacionarse con sus amigos o familia y yo también”.
7.- La mejor forma de afrontar las peleas
En el noviazgo no todo es color de rosa. La pareja también pelea: lo importante es aprender a manejar las emociones y comprender al otro.
“Después de una pelea fuerte recomiendo hacer silencio y esperar a que las aguas se calmen. Cuando nos enojamos lo primero que aparece es la lengua. Hay que tener control sobre las palabras que decimos porque pueden herir a la otra persona”, aconsejó Emma.
También recomendó “ponerse en los zapatos del otro porque a veces uno cree que tiene la razón. Añadió que “hay que pedir al Espíritu Santo que te ayuda a traer la paz en ese momento”.
8.- Cuestionar la relación (no es malo)
Tal vez habrá un momento en el que te preguntes si tu pareja realmente es la persona con la que quieres pasar el resto de tu vida.
Emma comentó que es bueno dudar y cuestionar porque “el noviazgo es el tiempo donde tienes que hacerte preguntas”.
Ambos recomendaron hacerse estas preguntas como las siguientes: ¿Compartimos los mismos valores?, ¿Estoy dispuesto a casarme con esa persona que tiene estas cualidades y defectos?, ¿Por qué estamos llevando este noviazgo?, ¿Me he amado a mí mismo y te he amado a ti? y ¿He sido un puente para que esa persona se encuentre con Dios?
9.- Aprender a perdonar
Si uno aprende a perdonar en el noviazgo podrá hacerlo en el matrimonio. Emma recordó que todos los seres humanos son frágiles y cometen errores. “Tarde o temprano la otra persona me va a fallar así como yo le fallaré”.
Aclaró que “perdonar no significa aceptar. Puede suceder que la persona te trató mal, te fue infiel, te agredió. Tú puedes perdonarla como un gesto de caridad hacia el otro y para mostrar que no quieres seguir lastimándote”, recomendó.
10.- ¿Y qué pasa si mi pareja está alejada de la fe?
Emma indicó que es importante “plantearse si mi proyecto de vida involucra que mi pareja no sea ‘tan’ católica como yo lo soy”.
Si el otro, por distintas razones, está alejado de Dios, entonces “no descuides tu fe. La relación con Dios es lo más importante que uno tiene en la vida. Además, el testimonio arrastra”.
“Si la otra persona te ve enamorado o enamorada de Dios llegará un punto en el que empezará a preguntarse qué es lo que te da esa felicidad y esa paz”.
“Si Dios quiere que ustedes se unan en matrimonio genial, pero si tu testimonio hace que la otra persona se acerque a Dios también es una bendición”, afirmó.
Bonus: Para aquellos que aún no encuentran al amor de su vida
No tengas miedo de esperar y reza por tu futuro esposo (a)
Si sientes que tu llamado es el matrimonio, pero aún no aparece esa persona especial debes tener paciencia.
Emma indicó que es importante tener confianza en que Dios vela por todos tus anhelos. “Hay que aprender a comprender que nuestros tiempos no son los tiempos de Dios. Nosotros solemos apresurarnos. Dios no se olvida de ti”.
“Ninguna persona, por más que la ames, va a llenar los vacíos como Dios. Si estando soltero tu corazón no se siente lleno con el infinito amor de Dios, menos lo estará con una criatura igual a ti”, destacó la bloguera.
Didier añadió que “la soltería es un tiempo que se debe disfrutar para crecer y sanar. Tienes que abrirte para escuchar la voz de Dios y saber cuál es el camino que debo seguir en mi vida”.
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